Old Age

[fosin]

Thought I'd let my doctor check me
Cause I didn't feel quite right. . .
All those aches and pains annoyed me
And I couldn't sleep at night.

He could find no real disorder
But he wouldn't let it rest
What with Medicare and Blue Cross,
We would do a couple tests.

To the hospital he sent me
Though I didn't feel that bad,
He arranged for them to give me
Every test that could be had.

I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped,
My aging frame displayed
Stripped, on an ice cold table,
While my gizzards were x-rayed.

I was checked for worms and parasites,
For fungus and the crud,
While they pierced me with long needles
Taking samples of my blood.

Doctors came to check me over,
Probed and pushed and poked around,
And to make sure I was living
They then wired me for sound.

They have finally concluded
Their results have filled a page,
What I have will someday kill me;
My affliction...is OLD AGE!

[fosin]

Signs that you are no longer a kid (or even close)...

~You are so proud of your lawn mower.

~You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

~You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

~Your back goes out more than you do.

~You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

~You sing along with the elevator music.

~You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

~You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

~You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

~You consider coffee one of the most important things in
life.

~You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

~People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"

~The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of
your pants.

~You know what the word equity means.

~You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to
watch television.

~Your ears are hairier than your head.

~You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

~You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

~You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

[fosin]

A woman went to the doctor's office. Where she was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.

The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

[Roadkill]

You know you're getting old when;

It takes you all night to do what you used to do all night!

[Xeroid]

Your ears are hairier than your head. :D

I was getting my hair cut the other day when the phone rang. The girl who was doing the cutting answered and talked for a minute or two then hung up. "That was my friend who is about to take her state hairdressers test and she had a question. She wanted to know who's hair grew faster, young men or old men." The correct answer was young men, she said.

Depends on where the hair is located, I replied. If the hair is on the top of your ears, then the correct answer is older men. :D :D