Joke of the day

[mholtum]

It was opening night at the Orpheum and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations,"
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting,
"Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...."
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"SH%T" said the hypnotist.
It took three weeks to clean up the theatre!!

[mholtum]

A rather confident Navy Seal walks into a local club bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman
. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks,
"Is your date running late?" "No", he replies. "I was just issued this state-of-the-art watch, and I was testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically," he explains.

"Oh really? What's it telling you now," she inquires.

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well, it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"

The Seal starts tapping on the watch face and says, "Damn, the thing must be an hour fast."
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