daveleau
01-24-2004, 12:48 PM
Every Friday, at 1600:20 (4PM and 20 seconds), my squadron (20th BS) gets together for a fun time called the Roll Call. They bring in a keg-erater and go over a few funny stories for the week. Whoever committed the biggest buffoonery for the week, has to carry around a decommissioned B-52 D model urinal. They have to make a presentation the next week on the urinal's activities for the week, and they have been very creative so far.
Well this week's competition requires a little background. There are a few words you DO NOT say in the aircraft. They are:
Fire
Smoke
Egress *
Hatches *
Bail Out *
*(especially 3 times in short succession)
Well, we were flying pretty slow to make our timing to our air refueler, and the guys upstairs were telling a few funny stories. So, I decided to chime in with a story about one of my in-laws that my wife told me earlier this week. (first hint, never self-deprecate yourself around crew dogs!) The story goes:
In the 50's, a member of my wife's family decided he could no longer afford the car payments on his vehicle. He tried to sell it to no avail. He was a bit of a heavy drinker at the time and decided he wanted to total the car and get the insurance money for it to pay it off. So, he gets liquored up and takes the car up on top of a "cliff" near his house. His plan is to drive the car towards to cliff and bail out at the last minute. Well, when he gets to his bail out spot, he can't bail out because he has his seatbelt on! He panics and can do nothing else but watch as the car goes off the edge and drops to the bottom of the "cliff" with him in it (it wasn't that high). He walks away with a limp (for life) and gets the insurance money to pay off the car.
Luckily, everyone in the aircraft was listening to the story, and no one punched out of the aircraft after hearing the 3 bailout calls that I inadvertently gave. I did not realize I had said the words in my story regurgitation until the instructor pilot (IP) told me to watch what I said.
Well, on Friday, when the Buffoonery stories were doled out for the week, I didn't think that mine would be given until the IP stood up and called a point of order. I was relieved when he told of a Captain's story that had been told earlier about his puppy and a pair of short running shorts. But then, as the laughter died down and another crew dog stood up to tell a tale of buffoonery, the IP said "wait- I've got another one about FNG #8" (FNG#n is the call sign given to new guys that do not have regular call sign yet). So, he proceeds to tell my story and everyone laughs harder than they did at any of the others. When the voting was held for top buffoonery story for the week, I thought I was a shoe-in.(the prize being given care-taking duties for the urinal for the week). Many voted for me, but the Captain mentioned earlier was someone they wanted to brand with the urinal for the week, so I dodged a serious bullet...and learned a valuable lesson to watch what I say around other crew dogs!
Have a great week!
Dave
PS-- Speaking of the presentations for the urinal, this week "E.T." got it (he looks JUST LIKE the kid from E.T.- hence the name). He created a 10 minute MPEG (how he found the time for this no one knows) of the urinal's travels for the week. It was a very hard presentation to top because he got a NASCAR driver to pose with the urinal and sign it and he got a racing bikini team to pose with the urinal. So, I am doubly glad that I didn't have to follow that presentation!!!
I wish I had a picture of the urinal for you guys, but it looks like a trash can. Most people would never know what it was used for in a previous time and place.
Well this week's competition requires a little background. There are a few words you DO NOT say in the aircraft. They are:
Fire
Smoke
Egress *
Hatches *
Bail Out *
*(especially 3 times in short succession)
Well, we were flying pretty slow to make our timing to our air refueler, and the guys upstairs were telling a few funny stories. So, I decided to chime in with a story about one of my in-laws that my wife told me earlier this week. (first hint, never self-deprecate yourself around crew dogs!) The story goes:
In the 50's, a member of my wife's family decided he could no longer afford the car payments on his vehicle. He tried to sell it to no avail. He was a bit of a heavy drinker at the time and decided he wanted to total the car and get the insurance money for it to pay it off. So, he gets liquored up and takes the car up on top of a "cliff" near his house. His plan is to drive the car towards to cliff and bail out at the last minute. Well, when he gets to his bail out spot, he can't bail out because he has his seatbelt on! He panics and can do nothing else but watch as the car goes off the edge and drops to the bottom of the "cliff" with him in it (it wasn't that high). He walks away with a limp (for life) and gets the insurance money to pay off the car.
Luckily, everyone in the aircraft was listening to the story, and no one punched out of the aircraft after hearing the 3 bailout calls that I inadvertently gave. I did not realize I had said the words in my story regurgitation until the instructor pilot (IP) told me to watch what I said.
Well, on Friday, when the Buffoonery stories were doled out for the week, I didn't think that mine would be given until the IP stood up and called a point of order. I was relieved when he told of a Captain's story that had been told earlier about his puppy and a pair of short running shorts. But then, as the laughter died down and another crew dog stood up to tell a tale of buffoonery, the IP said "wait- I've got another one about FNG #8" (FNG#n is the call sign given to new guys that do not have regular call sign yet). So, he proceeds to tell my story and everyone laughs harder than they did at any of the others. When the voting was held for top buffoonery story for the week, I thought I was a shoe-in.(the prize being given care-taking duties for the urinal for the week). Many voted for me, but the Captain mentioned earlier was someone they wanted to brand with the urinal for the week, so I dodged a serious bullet...and learned a valuable lesson to watch what I say around other crew dogs!
Have a great week!
Dave
PS-- Speaking of the presentations for the urinal, this week "E.T." got it (he looks JUST LIKE the kid from E.T.- hence the name). He created a 10 minute MPEG (how he found the time for this no one knows) of the urinal's travels for the week. It was a very hard presentation to top because he got a NASCAR driver to pose with the urinal and sign it and he got a racing bikini team to pose with the urinal. So, I am doubly glad that I didn't have to follow that presentation!!!
I wish I had a picture of the urinal for you guys, but it looks like a trash can. Most people would never know what it was used for in a previous time and place.